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10 January 2009 @ 12:53 am
Our bodies,
Tangled together like saplings after a storm...
Give me the chance to learn these new limbs
And climb them til their skinny, knotted fingers merge with the sky above our heads.
Forced to throw my head backwards to view the union, they are
Naturally disorienting in their magnificence.

The lines of your face slack and soften into slender curves
As you're sleeping.
And I slip and drip and drain slowly into
Your heavy-lidded and -lashed dreamer eyes.
(I'll stay in them til the morning
When you wake and shy them away --
Open, and so unshielded in your vulnerability.)
28 December 2008 @ 12:57 am
Over and over the same question arises:

How can you care for me so? Love and compassion and the finer human traits are so incomprehensible to me. It breaks my heart. I cannot understand.

When my mother holds me when I'm crumpled over on myself, I can feel her pain for me in her grip. It's in my friends' eyes in their wordlessness. And even in the words from near-strangers. How?? How? People's humanity -- oh I cannot understand. How can you care for me enough to feel pain for me, pain that is not your own? It breaks my heart to see someone care enough to want to take even a slice of my burden. How could you care for me enough to want to do that? To want to help me like you do, to even want to take my pain away the slightest bit?

I've been on the giving end of it too, wanted so badly to take away the pain my sister felt when Layla died. I grieved for the part of her in my life lost, but I grieved more in the overwhelming sadness I felt for Maddie's loss.

Yet I still cannot understand when I receive it. I don't know how it always knocks me flat on my back, but it does. It's so beautiful and full of love and out of this world it's beyond my comprehension. So much so that I don't even understand how it's beyond my comprehension. I do not understand why it is so heartbreaking to me either. Can anyone tell me? Can anyone explain?

It's the meaning of God to me. It's beyond even love.


I feel such a great sense of sorrow and loneliness about it for some reason, but at the same time I feel so loved. So thankful. So not comprehending, so not understanding. So so blown away. God.
Current Music: Bon Iver
23 December 2008 @ 11:57 pm
tl;drCollapse )
Current Music: Damien Jurado
22 December 2008 @ 02:14 am
 I've heard of several of these studies before, but not all of them. The article's interesting, at the very least.

Current Music: Placebo
20 December 2008 @ 09:17 pm
Took my mom to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra today. She rocked out in the seat next to me, no joke. Haha. I tried to remind myself not to feel at all embarrassed, because I know that's going to be me in a little over 30 years, I'm sure. We are too much alike, really. Anyways, I think she really enjoyed it, so that was good. I feel like a good daughter because I actually got her something other than gardening tools or a bathrobe for Christmas (which is all she usually asks for)!

More??!Collapse )
18 December 2008 @ 12:47 am
more...Collapse )

25 November 2008 @ 04:04 am
lately i've found in myself the need to write and write and write, to more than myself, to just know that there's a possible audience even if they never read it 

cowlicksCollapse )
23 November 2008 @ 09:05 am
moreCollapse )
Current Music: Making Pies - Patty Griffin
17 November 2008 @ 06:37 pm
"And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now.
Well I thought that I was doing well,
But I just want to cry now.

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out.
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily"
Current Music: James Morrisson - Wonderful World
20 September 2008 @ 03:57 pm
These are not the kind of cards I can put on my mantle.
They smell of sympathy and white coffin linings
And the leaflets they set out to spell out your death
Fall like white leaves over my eyes.
I'm covered in them til the morning
When we take you to the hole in the ground.
The boys look too young to be carrying you that way
And when the workers lower you into the earth
All I can think is
Someone should tell them little girls don't belong in the ground.
Over and over again.

They cover you with red dirt and arranged flowers
Til there's nothing left to do and I catch fire with my warmth.
The paper pamphlets that cling to me
Dance in the heat and fall to the ground to curl up beside me.
Leaving me as just cooled, sitting ash.

When I'm reborn I'm going to fly so fast away from here
Into the clouds
Until all I see are little colored specks huddling together like ants after a flood
And I can find no meaning in the action.